You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
