think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
