"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
