Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
