can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
