i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
