At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
