Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
