...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
