Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.

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  (315): Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out. http://tfl.nu/tygv
  Replies (9) Good night (830) Bad night (1265)
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  (209): View more from California

  I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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  (209): I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car. http://tfl.nu/v5pu
  Replies (31) Good night (1395) Bad night (7825)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet

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  (719): He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet http://tfl.nu/3sfp
  Replies (7) Good night (2887) Bad night (974)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....

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  (717): I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday.... http://tfl.nu/1vhm
  Replies (4) Good night (1777) Bad night (766)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.

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  (810): my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities. http://tfl.nu/947a
  Replies (12) Good night (2487) Bad night (714)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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  (501): Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us. http://tfl.nu/mzbi
  Replies (3) Good night (943) Bad night (1061)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Marco

  (954): View more from Florida

  Polo

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  (954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92
  Replies (7) Good night (2711) Bad night (688)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really alive right now?

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  (612): Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath. (1-612): Are you really alive right now? http://tfl.nu/b3cy
  Replies (5) Good night (1760) Bad night (656)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year

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  (414): Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year http://tfl.nu/dko3
  Replies (3) Good night (1092) Bad night (577)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING

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  (504): You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING http://tfl.nu/6ru3
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (364)
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  (714): View more from California

  I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina

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  (714): I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina http://tfl.nu/xr6a
  Replies (3) Good night (1129) Bad night (370)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS

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  (480): COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS http://tfl.nu/rprl
  Replies (4) Good night (709) Bad night (362)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?

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  (609): So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face? http://tfl.nu/y6a3
  Replies (5) Good night (400) Bad night (1309)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

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  (203): Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard http://tfl.nu/pmzn
  Replies (1) Good night (883) Bad night (440)
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  (315): View more from New York

  she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore

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  (315): she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore http://tfl.nu/sa4k
  Replies (5) Good night (410) Bad night (824)

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