Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If that was your dad, he is hot
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize