The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.