Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.