Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?