maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
