I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
