I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize