hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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