there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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