i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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