is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just pee around me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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