What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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