I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
