I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just want nice things and good sex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
