I need help removing her.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
