I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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