Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
