Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

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  (630): I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something. http://tfl.nu/fnx9
  Replies (5) Good night (2303) Bad night (637)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he looks like a really good dad on facebook

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  (704): he looks like a really good dad on facebook http://tfl.nu/pzsa
  Replies (5) Good night (871) Bad night (3731)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.

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  (646): You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine. http://tfl.nu/zb6r
  Replies (18) Good night (1650) Bad night (3409)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

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  (856): It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk. http://tfl.nu/u52z
  Replies (19) Good night (3942) Bad night (1704)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.

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  (250): Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party. http://tfl.nu/dnix
  Replies (4) Good night (3442) Bad night (958)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK

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  (902): dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK http://tfl.nu/n8o2
  Replies (13) Good night (1369) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night

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  (585): we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night http://tfl.nu/lrrw
  Replies (18) Good night (2878) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.

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  (617): She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI. http://tfl.nu/ewv2
  Replies (6) Good night (1767) Bad night (579)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.

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  (813): I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state. http://tfl.nu/3ssc
  Replies (1) Good night (566) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?

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  (778): they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date? http://tfl.nu/4653
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.

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  (580): Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style. http://tfl.nu/uibp
  Replies (3) Good night (327) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?

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  (212): Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows? http://tfl.nu/t64o
  Replies (9) Good night (668) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  And then my night got REAL pukey

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  (305): And then my night got REAL pukey http://tfl.nu/gzlf
  Replies (0) Good night (219) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.

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  (360): Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick. http://tfl.nu/kr1r
  Replies (2) Good night (580) Bad night (176)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down

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  (952): Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down http://tfl.nu/721s
  Replies (2) Good night (158) Bad night (218)

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