You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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