So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?