I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.