so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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