Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
