This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
