sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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