I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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