i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
nutella sex= disaster
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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