I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
