You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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