I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
