omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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