If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
