woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
