My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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