Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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