so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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