I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
