i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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