At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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