Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
