I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He better not be in your backpack
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
