mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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