I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
