I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
