how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone came in the potted fern
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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