Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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