last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
