I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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