You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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