if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
