We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
