I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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