you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
