I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
