he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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